somehow twelve rosaries

Fire

You know when you’re going through your stuff and you find things that either start or stop your heartbeat. The bracelet, feels like another lifetime ago, I had liked it, put it on right away, and as any of my favorite pieces of jewelry you’ve owned (except my grandmother’s ring, which is in the exact same spot always) it broke. A boy had given it to me, a friend, I wondered what he was doing right now. We used to walk up and down his ridiculous hill we’d play pretend too old but the group of us couldn’t stop

A key chain, a horseshoe marked GUCCI, I know where that one came from too. I almost kept it for nostalgic sake, but then I thought that maybe, there was no nostalgia, just a mutual love for something. We didn’t stay friends, but I think that was okay.

A journal, long lost, with loveless thoughts that were unfair, breathing in and wondering how this act of kindness and thoughtfulness could be cruel. I wrote in that book, but I was not it’s story. Years have gone by and I have not read the whole thing. I don’t know that I ever will.

A photograph, one of the four of us sitting on the lake, and there’s a weird ghosts in it because one of us had poorly photoshopped one of our little sisters. That was an amazing week, there was a spiritual awakening, not one that the church wanted, but definitely something I needed.

A book I had made, almost forgotten, I cracked open the pages, and the photos were fine. It was the last one that shocked me, somehow I was crying, and I wonder how I got to that place of emotional honesty and how do I get it back? I remember the day, I remember the two other people who helped. Looking back on significant work is interesting

Your copy of Lord of the Flies you never read even though you had a paper on it. This is just kids who excel and are great in school never learn how to study. I got an A on that paper. And now we’re all depressed.

Somehow 12 Rosaries

A photograph of myself and my sibling climbing on our old playhouse, I was on top, they were somehow acting as a bridge between the two holders. This was calming, I loved looking at us like that, we are adults now and treat each other so. Sometimes it’s just beautiful to think you both fought the same battle and came out the other side

fire

I have not written here in a while, frankly it is a complete horror show, and no end in sight. So I, like most people, am fucking exhausted. Writing the pieces is so cathartic but they have to come to me, it’s not ideal but it’s something. We are all weathering a storm now and it’s time to get close to your loved ones only in your bubble. Please please please do not travel. You can see them next year.

Anyway, much light and love as I can push to you all, stay safe, wear a mask, and once again please do not travel for the holidays.

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