let humanity win

It’s day eight, and the scope of this thing is starting to hit me. I’m having a hard time putting this feeling into words. It is indescribable what I feel right now. I don’t always allow it to overwhelm me, I’m fairly good about taking the horror folding it up and putting it in a box, but sometimes it does.

It’s Dr. Fauci predicting 100,000 dead. It’s the idea that everyone will know at least one person that dies. Maybe not directly, but there will be deaths in every circle. We as a nation are not good at self reflection, and therefore we are pretty shitty at mourning things, so afterwards none of us are going to know what to do.

I have three speeds right now. One: I try to make light, I try to pretend that I’ve just been given a residency at my house, where I can make work and live very simply for a little while. Two: Nothing matters might as well have fun. Three: I’m scared, I’m so extraordinary terrified I hold my breath as I pick up my phone every morning, checking the news.

I think this kind of threat has ripped me open, knowing that a virus does not discriminate, it does not care how kind you are or how much good you’ve done in the world. So it’s going to take people who are beloved. It rips me open because I’m thinking about the people who are my circle, whether inner or outer, and how much I love them.

On occasion the overwhelming feeling is of love instead of despair, I am thinking about my circle and I love them so much it is overwhelming. So stay well my friends. I love you. Let humanity win this one.

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