hold your breath day

It’s day six and it feels different out there, I feel like we are collectively holding our breath for the hammer to really come down. It’s coming, and it’s horrifying. Sometimes I find myself apathetic, knowing the world is going to end is a millennial thing, that’s why all of our humor is nihilistic. Other times, when I really open my heart and feel as much of this as I can (which is only a fraction of it) I wonder if all of my friends are going to be okay, if my family is going to be okay, if I’m going to be okay. Hell, I’m even wondering if my country is going to be okay.

It feels like a horrifying calm before the storm, because we have massive numbers, but it’s not even close to really starting, and that’s really scary to me. It’s hard to think about anything else because it’s so huge.

I miss human touch, it’s strange having none, no tap on your shoulder to get your attention, no brushing arms when you walk past a person the small things. Since I’m still within the 14 days of stopping work, where there was a high risk I have come in contact with the disease.

Humans, specifically my friends because those are the people I see, are killing it though. Like we are all fucking terrified but we’re coming together. I am actively rolling my eyes at the fact that a plague was the thing that took us there. I feel like there’s so much collective trauma in the United States that it really could have been anything to stop us from most of the vitriol.

I’ve seen such generosity and understanding. I’m lucky to be able to stay in touch on the phone every day with the people I love. I’m lucky this time is giving me time to make work, if I’m going out I might as well go out a little prolific.

Frankly Day Six was a hold your breath day, and I’m not sure how many more hold your breath day’s we have left. For now though, all we’ve got is a good head on our shoulders (even if you don’t usually lets try really hard), and each other.

I hate to say that today was nothing to what’s coming, but it is. I’m scared, I’m stir crazy, I find myself thinking wild thoughts like I wish this were an avalanche instead of a snail on benzos.

Remember to love each other, call each other frequently, do what you can for human contact. This is going to change our behavior forever, be kind to yourself and others it’s a confusing time and we’re all learning to adjust. We’re all angry and anxious, that does not mean we don’t have to be kind.

I write the words up there more for me than for you, I suppose if you like them you can take them, but I like it there in black and white.

I have some faith in humanity, I have no faith in our government (I don’t even think a competent person would have been able to handle this), and I have faith in my friends.

love you,

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