come out kinder

It’s day two for me, I’m not sure if I’m writing this as some sort of memory for me to look back on and wonder what the hell happened. Or if I’m attempting to put my own spin on history. Maybe someone will find this. Hopefully it’s dreadfully boring.

I’m usually very good at being alone, but the forced separation is different. I’m not sure when the next time I’ll be able to hug my best friend, or venture into the city for an adventure led by Diners. Touch is a sensation that is hard to fake. We rely so heavily on it to give us clues to what the other person is feeling, we rely on it for comfort.

There are ways I’m seeing people reaching out it’s pretty beautiful. Live concerts, little projects, music, dance. I fear (outside of the virus) for those of us with mental health problems, it’s going to be really easy to get looked over during this impossible time. Don’t let your friends go quiet.

I hope whoever reads this, even if it’s just me, will see the small turns in humanity happening right now and be able to trace them forward to a kinder world. We desperately need a kinder world, one that takes the pain from the past, learns from it, and then puts that knowledge into action.

I’m not an incredibly hopeful person, I tend to lean towards believing the worst case scenario, maybe so I can be surprised when something goes well. I think we are paying an awful price right now, one that probably could have been prevented on Matty levels. That debt does not come from those of us who work everyday jobs, it’s one accrued by some fairly awful people. It’s going to be us that pays it though.

I do think that we are going to come out kinder from this, at least I can squeeze the tiny bit of hope that I’ve got left and hope that we come out kinder. We are faced with an impossible, terrifying, and deadly situation. One that doesn’t have a stop date. One that does not discriminate.

The least we can do is come out kinder. I’m scared, but I will not panic.

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