I get ladybugs in my room, fairly often, they land on my walls or run around a bit on my ceiling. Unfortunately I think it’s a place they come to live out their last moments, maybe sneaking in through the crack between my window and the windowsill, I can never quite get that thing closed all the way. We co-exist, neither of us really bothering the other. I like them, but I was thinking about how if it were a different bug, I probably wouldn’t.
I say my room, it’s the most I’ve felt at home for a long time. It still doesn’t fully feel like home, but it’s the closest I’ve gotten. A little sad for me, but hey at least I’m comfortable, I love the people who are with me, and this is not permanent. I think the rest of this might be a little scattered because I haven’t written in a while (at least not for you guys)
It’s International Women’s Day, gender is made up, but we like to put labels on things. People like things to have names, it makes them less confusing. Navigating the world in this body, where no matter what the outside will see me as ‘woman’. To me, that is fine, I am proud to be in this body, it serves me well, it has taken both abuse and love; and it has seen terrifying and miraculous things, sometimes at the same time. Though I feel somewhere in between, this is my day too. I’ve earned it.
Speaking of women, I’m really quite sad that Elizabeth Warren didn’t get her chance to destroy Trump in a debate. However I can hold that clip of her destroying Bloomberg close to my heart, something warm and satisfying on a cold day. I don’t have much to say about it, because it feels more personal, she was by far the best prepared, she didn’t hold the Clinton baggage, and she is good. Politically I line up closer to Bernie (although he’s a centrist compared to me), but I really really wanted to say President Warren. We need someone that meticulous to unravel the unimaginable damage this administration has done, and to prepare for the damage we don’t see yet, because trust me it’s there. For me, that means Sanders is my candidate now, I am still sad.
I love words, there’s nothing more satisfying than a perfectly picked out synonym or a well placed expletive. On the page, and through text I’m doing fine, but recently I’ve been having a lot of trouble talking. I’m not sure what it is, maybe some digging I’ve been doing into my past has got me a bit tongue tied. I am frustrated though, where I would usually be concise and eloquent I am now stumbling and losing track of sentences. It eventually gets there, but it’s been especially frustrating the past few weeks. So if you see me in person, oddly phone calls are so much easier, some patience might be needed. I think it’s a stress reaction, so I’m going to bounce on over to my therapist once a week to actually talk it out.
Well, I think that covers my title’s promise. I hope everyone is doing okay. I feel like that’s all we can ask for these days, for everyone to be just okay. More is a blessing less is concerning.
Wash your fucking hands.