It’s been the week from hell for me, for so many reasons. I always say that I’m going to be honest on these posts, and I’m sorry for the percentage of sad shit that ends up on here. Maybe I’ll try for some advice to trudge through.
There are things coming to a head in my trauma healing journey that I can never talk about, and it’s seriously affecting my life. I will say that people who use their power over others, whether it’s through power dynamics or other things should maybe take a good hard look at the damage you do. I cannot say anything because my story is not even close to what would do well in court, there was a crime, it does not matter, because I made other decisions that night that made other things okay.
On top of all of that I’ve taken an unintentional deep dive into some childhood garbage and boy evolutionarily we did not do a good job at protecting ourselves. Disassociation is fine at protecting our bodies if we were possums and playing dead helped trick our enemies. I once disassociated so badly I could only say like three words and they were yes, no, give me a minute (okay six words).
So I’m raw and so very confused and hurt by things I can’t talk about with you all. The good news is I’m having a good depression week, I’m making art, I’m writing, I’m walking. It’s just incredibly frustrating to have a really good week finally that gets overshadowed.
On that kind of bleak note
Love each other
Do good recklessly